beauty brains and a little insane

When I mentioned that "I'm typically melancholy on this blog", it's because I frequently write happy things on another lol... any who, here's the link..

beautybrainsinsane.com

up.

Today I'm UP.

Not high or anything, well I'm naturally high. It's odd how you can be down one minute and suddenly, you aren't. I'm happy and sometimes I feel like maybe I shouldn't be... but I deserve it. I've recently been through a very long break up (no surprise here), but I'm ok. I suddenly see things clearly. It wasn't as bad as most expect, but it's made me appreciate what I do have and what I have to offer. Not as a "girlfriend" but as a person. I'm not mad, I'm not bitter... I'm just UP :)

I've noticed that my post are rather melancholy on this particular blog, and I also realize that people actually read it. I'm the type a person who writes when I'm sad, so it seems to appear that I'm always depressed. LOL, that's not the case. I also realize that misery loves company and I'm not gonna give anyone a reason to take joy in my sadness. My mom tells me all the time that I tell her when I'm sad, but not when I'm happy. That typically means, I'm happy as hell when I'm not sad.


I'm UP!
and I really don't ever plan on coming down...

blah.

it sucks to look back at my post and see how happy i was then. it sucks, but it gives me a hope that maybe some day i will be happy again.

no.

I think maybe i feel that it's the right thing to say. I know that sometime before, I was happy...but I don't see an end. I'm not depressed. I'm just sad. I'm not happy. I would go out and do things I enjoy, if i could. but i can't.

ecstatic.

When I came home yesterday, my grandmother surprised me with some photos that a cousin of hers had sent her. She know's that I'm a sucker for old family photos, and I think these are the oldest of family photos I have so far. These are the photos of my grandmothers, grandparents when they were young. Also, there's a photo of one of my grandmothers cousins, as a child. My family always jokes, that if I should blame my small height on anyone, I should blame it on them (my great-great grandparents). I'm not sure of the years these photos were taken, but I'll say circa. 1920.

My Great, Great-Grandfather 

Mr. Eddie Vaughn

My Great-Great Grandmother

Mrs. Lizzie Vaughn

My Grandmothers First-Cousin

Jeanne Vaughn

... I also received photos of my great-great aunt, a few months back but on my mothers, fathers side. (whats that? like, maternal-faternal?) any who... here's the photo's of her.

Mrs. Georgina Redingler

joyeux.

everyone is asking me if i'm excited about graduation, being that it's in four days and honestly, i am... it's just that there are so many other things i have to be excited about. it's that time of year were everyone is happy and i have so much to be happy about. i'm blessed, in every sense of the word. i have the bestest guy, the bestest of best friends, and a wonderful family. in the days approaching my big day, i've seen so many people knock down mountains to make me happy, and make that day special to me. i'm grateful for the degree i will be receiving, but even more grateful for the amount of love that the lord has blessed me with. long ago, i promised myself that i wouldn't cry... but i probably will


...the best of happy tears :)

i'm graduating ^_^

my photos! 

The photographer didn't edit these, so if you hate them it isn't his fault! lol 

I love them. 

dream.

i had a dream i was standing in my family kitchen. As i looked down the hall, I saw my mother in my grandparents room, talking to my grandfather. although it was a dream, i knew that he wasn't really in there. it was like a familiar apparition, that i've seen plenty of times. but i haven't. in my dream, i said to myself "i wish that was really him in there". it felt real. i went into the room and told him that i missed him. he said "i missed you too". he then told my mom to tell my other little cousins that he missed them too, as they laughed about my how mischievous the second youngest is. right before i woke up, i asked him "will you visit me in my dreams?". he told me...


"always".